No, I'm not dead.

Title: Lead by Example
Fandom: Final Fantasy VII
Prompt: 33. Too Much
Characters: Zack and Cloud, mentions of other Soldiers
Rating: R.
Word Count: 556


Everyone hated the psych evaluations. They were just a semi-annual annoyance that you learned to deal with. Zack guessed that the PKD got it worse than most of Shinra, since they, you know, killed people. It meant something if you lost it when you offed someone, it meant something when you didn't lose it when you offed someone.

"That's it, it's official. I'm never making it into Soldier."

Zack wondered what it meant when you offed your friend because he was whining. Again.

If Cloud was as stubborn about working to get into Soldier as he was about the idea that he wasn't getting in, he'd be a First Class by now. Fuck, Zack'd probably be calling him "sir" out in public.

But at least this way he was learning to tune out crap and zero in on what the kid needed.

"The evals are going to say I'm batshit. I know it." Cloud slumped onto a chair. Zack braced himself for a rant. "They'll say I'm crazy and I'll be kicked out and that's it. I need the cash, now that I'm not a full-time cadet. How'm I going to survive? This place is expensive! How'm I ever going to get home? God, Mom and Ti--Mom and everyone'll know I washed out, and they'll start on me again, and--"

Muffling Cloud's mouth was mean, but damn it, there was only so much teenage angst a man could take. Cloud squirmed a bit in protest, but soon gave in and sat still. "Cloud, this is for your own good. Now listen the fuck up: you flunked the entrance exam when you were FOB and then when you had six months of training. Six. Six. Fucking Sephiroth couldn't pass with six months of training. Got it?"

Cloud nodded.

"B, they've decided that you should work with Turks and Soldier. That means that you managed to get so damn good in those six months that they're giving you shit besides guard duty and tour guide shit at the tower to do. Got that?"

Another, slower nod.

"Three, you can take the tests again in October, and then again in April, and again in October, and again in April and again and again and again, until you pass and the girls get all giggly around you because of how hot you look in a First Class uniform. Am I making myself clear, Private Spike?" Zack let go.

"Crystal, sir." Cloud shook his head. "But all of you make it look so damn easy."

Zack snorted. "Easy, my ass. Since you've behaved so nicely, I'm going to let you in on a secret." He leaned in and whispered, "Those evaluations are shit. We're all crazy."

Cloud responded with a too-adorable pouty frown.

"It's true! Check out the First Class: Sephiroth's got a leather fetish, Genesis is finicky as fuck about what he eats, everyone says Angeal's gone batshit because he mentored me, and you know first hand that all the instructors have some sort of S-and-M thing going." Zack folded his arms. "Now just try to go through my logic."

"All the First Class is crazy, so what about you?"

Zack smiled. "I'm the normal one. Since I'm the normal one, that makes me the freak, doesn't it? So, when you make it, you can keep me company."